A Whole Pan Of Brownies: It's My Turn

As I peruse these posts, wanting desperately to be experiencing all of these adventures together, I am also reminded of what a glorious world we live in, and what an unparalleled bond we have where we can be all over the world, yet still be together. I’m currently trying to get acclimated to grad school life in perhaps one of the farthest spots possible, and am awakened to the harsh reality that I did not, in fact, outgrow my shyness (as I had come to believe), but had merely become so attached to, comfortable with, and fulfilled by the friends I already had that my brain merely shut off the instinct (and resulting fear) to seek out new friends at all. Of the 6 of us, I am definitely not the social butterfly. In fact, I usually feel like I’m the only one that’s not brimming with that magically magnetic and vivaciously friendly vibe. I have the occasional ability to play the part, but as an introvert, it is mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting. I’m not saying I’m not friendly (at least…I hope I am) – it’s just harder to make that initial connection. I can’t be my crazy self around you until I know you, but I can’t get to know you without putting myself out there…and hence the vicious circle. Add the whole foreigner aspect, and it's a nightmare.

So in this time of transition, as I figure out what it means to be a PhD student and try to find a sense of social normalcy, I am lucky to still - and always - have such an amazing group, the ability to read about what they’re doing, see their amazing pictures, and then chat about it all face to face over the various internet communication tools we have available. Though difficult, I’m truly happy to have embarked upon this adventure. I have yet to feel at home here, but I know this will be a life-changing-for-the-better experience.

In the words of Robyn Davidson (an extreme adventurer if there ever was one), we get to choose our own adventures, even in the most ordinary of circumstances, and have to "learn to use our fears as stepping stones rather than stumbling blocks.” Growth is all about pushing the limits of your comfort zone. I’m currently so far out of that zone that I’d like to get it in sight again, but maybe not much more than that. I'm the last of the six to embark upon a daring adventure of this magnitude, and it's my turn to reach boldly into the unknown.